Friday, 21 August 2020

FFS Friday - This is for you Mrs B

Hello beautiful people.

Today's post is for the famous Mrs B. I know you like my posts about Tiger, so hope you enjoy this one.

First though, I have to tell you all I'm a genius. I've found a way to torture Tiger and it's totally legal. There's nothing he can do to stop me either.
In fact, according to our wedding vows I'm obliged to torture him. See he made a mistake when he was saying his vows and he took me to be his awful wedded wife. He really did. Even worse, he didn't correct himself so that's what the vows were, therefore I am allowed to be as awful as I want. Silly man.
Anyhow, back to my torture.
Want to know what it is?
Snoring. Hah!
It's sleep torture via snoring and there's nothing he can do about it! Hahaha. I'm so clever.

Poor Tiger.

It's occurred to me that he's turning into a grumpy old man. Or grumpy middle aged man. I don't like it at all.

He's constantly telling me about his bodily functions despite me repeatedly telling him I have no desire to know anything about his daily ablutions.

Every morning I get a blow by blow account of how badly he slept. Every. Single. Morning. FFS.
It's a really detailed description that takes at least five minutes. FFS.
Mate, you've got a kid who doesn't sleep. He's been like it for nine years, deal with it. He should be grateful for the fact that he worked away for seven years so hasn't had to deal with broken sleep every night like I have. 

When Dad visits they sit there talking about prostates, bladders and fires. FFS.
Apparently there is a correct way to put wood on the fire.
If you ask me the correct way is to open the door, throw a piece of wood in then close the door. Easy.
Apparently this is incorrect. After I've put wood on the fire Tiger will come along, make a comment about the wood being in the wrong spot, put on his fire proof gloves and move the wood around until it's in the correct position. Hahahaha.
Now I just yell at him when it's time to put wood on the fire.

Another thing I've noticed is that he's really angry. All the time. His default reaction to everything is anger. Not the violent type of anger, he'd never hurt us, but just the I'm annoyed at everything anger.
He can't find something in the fridge, he gets angry, the dog gets under his feet, anger. The boys play up, anger. And so it continues. Everything makes him angry.

Maybe he's going through manopause. He's got the symptoms. Anger, mood swings, insomnia, laziness. Actually that's not a manopause symptom.

Here's another beauty. He seems to have become totally oblivious to how things work around the house. I'm sure he thinks things happen by magic. They do, it's me, I'm the magic.

Last week he commented to his brother that he can't believe how dirty the shower has been getting lately. FFS.
He wasn't joking. FFS.
I told him the shower has always got that dirty, the only difference is that I haven't cleaned it lately. FFS.

Did he really think that the shower never got dirty? Surely he's not that stupid?
He's seen me cleaning the shower, he knows it gets cleaned every week or two. Maybe he just conveniently blocked that from his mind.

Here's another doozy. Sunday arvo he came and asked me where his heart is, then pointed to the middle of his chest.
I swear he's really not stupid, he's intelligent, he just doesn't act like it.

That's all I've got for today. I shall keep on saving up the Tiger tidbits to keep you amused Mrs B. I hope you have a lovely weekend xxx.

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