Saturday, 31 January 2015

Thoughts of the month

1. My baby starts kindy next week. I have mixed feelings about it. I know he needs the extra stimulation but I'm worried about how he'll go. The hippy in me really wants to home school both the boys, but there's another part of me that wants to study and get a job. 

That's it. Hmm, very sad that I only have one thought this month. Oh well. Maybe next month will be better.

Friday, 30 January 2015

FFS Friday

To say I've been struggling lately would be the understatement of the century. Chai really struggles with Tiger being away, it gets worse for him every time. Heartbreaking. 

He's at the monster stage, he cries, screams, yells, hits, throws tantrums and is generally awful. FFS.

He's also at the Why? stage. FFS.

And the No stage. FFS.

And the contrary stage. FFS.

He asks why everything. FFS.

All f*^%ing day. FFS.

When he's not doing that he'll ask me a question then when I tell him the answer he'll tell me I'm wrong. FFS.

For example, a typical conversation will go like this:
Me: Chai, do you want to have a shower?
Chai: Why?
Me: Because we're going out soon, do you want to have a shower before we go?
Chai: Why?
Me: Do you want to have a shower or not?
Chai: Not.
As I'm getting out of the shower he comes in.
Chai: Why are you out of the shower?
Me: Because I'm all clean.
Chai: But I wanted to have a shower with you (he starts crying).
Me: Do you want to have a big boy shower whilst I'm getting ready?
Chai: No, I told you I don't want to have a shower. 
Me: But you just said you wanted to have a shower.
Chai: (yelling) No I Did Not!

It's so much fun. FFS.

Why do people not talk about the tough times? I don't understand. Why pretend that everything is wonderful when it's not. Things aren't always wonderful for anyone, so why do we pretend? 

I have another episode of Things That Only Happen When Tiger is Away.

Sunday night it was 9pm and I was just about to go when I heard a huge bang on the roof. FFS.

Someone had thrown a rock onto the roof. FFS.

I messaged my neighbour and she sent out her hubby and two sons. Not FFS.

We found rocks all over the road, all over my verge and as we were standing there a rock was thrown and nearly hit the neighbour. FFS.

It was the little turds down the road. FFS.

The neighbour went and spoke to the parents who didn't give a damn. FFS.

That explains why I've been finding rocks all over my driveway and over the road lately. Bloody little shit heads. FFS.

What makes matters worse is my bedroom is right at the front of the house, so if they throw a rock through the window there's a good chance it'd hit Eljay in his cot. FFS.

I've decided we're moving. FFS.

There's no other option. FFS.

My baby goes to kindy next week. I'm all sorts of nervous and full of what if's. What if he doesn't cope, what if he does a wee in the middle of the playground, what if he gets nits, what if kids are mean to him etc. I'm sure it'll be fine. What am I going to do all day without him around? It'll be strange only having one baby with me. 

Speaking of babies, I am so clucky! FFS.

If we were younger I'd be trying to convince Tiger to have another baby. I don't think he'd take much convincing. Someone please have a baby so I can play with it and get rid of my cluckiness. 

Any tips on how I can get rid of my cluckiness?

That's all. If you've had any FFS worthy moments tell me all about them. 

Friday, 23 January 2015

FFS Friday - Really?

There are times, many times, when I wonder if I'm the strange one and everyone else is normal. I think maybe this could be the case. The events of this week certainly have me wondering.

There's a lady I met at a class I took Chai to, she seemed nice and we'd chat during the class. Her son was really shy so I got Chai to make friends with him so he wouldn't be left out. 

One day we bumped into each other at the park and the boys had a great time playing together so we swapped numbers and agreed to arrange a play date. 
Not long after that she found me on Facebook. I have no idea how she found me because she didn't have my last name and I'm not visible in searches, but anyhow, it didn't worry me so I accepted her friend request. 

We arranged a play date for the boys but I had to cancel because I had gastro, so over the weekend I messaged her and said that Chai had been talking about her son Sam and saying he wanted to play with him. She messaged me back on Monday and asked if Sam could sleep over at our house so that she could have a date night with her husband. 

I thought that was really strange. She's seen me about six times, she doesn't know where I live and she really doesn't know anything about me. My instinct was to say no. My bad, I forgot to message her back (Facebook message not text message) and later Monday night after I'd gone to sleep I got a text message from her asking if Sam could sleep over. 

The next morning, before I'd had a chance to reply to her text message, I got a narky message from her saying "I can only conclude from your not replying that it's not okay to have Sam. Don't worry about it anymore it's all good, I'll try to find someone else or we'll just stay home." Really? WTF?

Seriously, is that normal? Would you normally Facebook message someone that you barely know and ask them to look after your child, then get angry when they don't respond quickly enough? 

I'm not up with sleep over etiquette as Chai has never had a sleepover, but wouldn't you call someone to ask them? And wouldn't you want to know them better and have been to their house a few times? What would it have been like for the poor child if I'd said yes and he'd got dumped at a strange house with people that he barely knows? For all she knows I could live in a share house with a whole pile of junkies!

Added to that, I know nothing about her son. Does he have food allergies, does he wear nappies at night, is he okay sleeping in his own bed/room, what does he eat for breakfast, is he lactose intolerant, what time does he go to bed, what time does he get up etc. 

Maybe I'm paranoid but there is no way I would let Chai go and stay at someone's house unless I knew them really well. In fact other than family members, there are only two friends I'd let Chai stay with, one is my best friend who I've known for 18 years and another is a very good friend who I spend a lot of time with and our boys are best friends. 

I also find it really odd that she got narky with me. How dare she? Why would she assume that I have any obligation to look after her son when she didn't even have the decency to call me? She knows that Tiger works away yet she didn't bother to ask if he was home, so clearly she thinks it's fine for me to look after her son when I'm solo parenting. Bizarre. 

I'm starting to think that I'm the strange one. Either way, I'm not going to change, I'm happy being strange.

End whinge.

Your turn.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

The psychology of shopping - aka why I shop

I've been thinking a lot lately about how and why I shop. I know that I don't shop like a normal person, I don't buy makeup because I need it, I buy it because I want it and to relieve stress or fill a need. It got me thinking back to when I first started shopping. 

I'd just split up with my boyfriend. He wasn't just any boyfriend, I thought he was The One. Looking back, he could well have been The One, his actions ensured that he wasn't. The break up was my decision but nevertheless I was heartbroken. More heartbroken than I've ever been in my life. It took me about five years to get over him and it is one of the hardest things I've been through.

I was living in the city, on my own, with only one or two friends and I was suffering. I decided I needed a new look so I went into the city, bought some new clothes and they really cheered me up. I looked better so I felt better. Then I bought a new lipstick, got complimented on it and that cheered me up too. Next I bought a bracelet and that also cheered me up. That's when I started shopping. And I didn't stop. Despite the fact that I am no longer heartbroken I still shop. Now I shop when I'm stressed. I'm stressed half of my life (when Tiger is away). As well as stress relief it's also a habit. Now when I go to the shops I'll automatically look to see if anything new has been released. 

I wonder why shopping is a stress relief? I think back to the things I used to do to relieve stress, prior to shopping. I used to do martial arts and ride my motorbike. Riding a motorbike is out of the question as I don't have one anymore anymore. I could do martial arts when Tiger is home, I really need to do it when he's not here but that's not an option at the moment as I have no-one to look after the kids. So how else can I relieve stress without shopping?

Meditation and dancing. I can do both of them when Tiger is away. I don't have to leave the house, I don't have to prepare which is just what I need when I'm flying solo. The boys and I regularly turn up the music and dance. Meditation I do when I'm feeding Eljay. It's the perfect time. He's quiet, I'm sitting still and quiet, it's ideal.

So that's my non-psychologist view on why I shop.
Got any other stress relieving tips for me? I'd love to hear them.

Friday, 16 January 2015

FFS Friday - Backpack Backpack

This week I reached the ultimate in Daggy Mummy level. FFS.

I surrendered my handbag and bought a backpack. FFS.

I know! FFS.

In my defense it is a fancy backpack but still. 

I have to say, it is so much easier than a handbag! Chasing the kids around the playground/shopping centre etc is so much easier with 2 hands free. Maybe I'll start a new Mummy trend and we'll all use backpacks instead of handbags. Or not. FFS.

Total dagdom has been achieved. FFS.

I don't think there's any return from this, I shall forever be known as a dag. FFS.

It's all downhill from here. FFS.

As if my usual Mummy attire isn't bad enough (t-shirt, denim skirt and sandals in summer. t-shirt, cardigan, jeans and vans in winter) the addition of a backpack just seals the deal. FFS.

I can no longer deny it, I'm a daggy, dowdy stay at home mum. FFS.

And this year I get to embarrass my child at school drop off too. FFS.

At least I'm a well made up daggy Mummy. Not FFS.

Next time you see me out in public, give me a sympathetic smile and try to remember that I once used to be young and trendy. FFS.

That is all. It's your turn now. 

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Top 14 of 2014

Subtle Energies - I've used Subtle Energies products for year and it's true love. This year I got to try a few more products from the range and they were all beautiful, in fact I'd go so far as to say that I'd happily only use Subtle Energies and Audra James for the rest of my life. The Subtle Energies product I loved the most this year is the Facial Blend. If you only try one product from Subtle Energies try this. The smell is heavenly, it's calm in a bottle. I like to put a few drops on my hand, rub my hands together and inhale the scent before applying it to my face. I wish they made this as a perfume, if they did I'd happily use it exclusively. My next purchase from Subtle Energies will be their new eye cream.

Audra James bespoke perfume and balm cleanser - If you haven't tried Audra James products yet, you need to! She makes the most amazing products and everything you buy can be customised to your needs. A few years ago I got a bespoke perfume made and it smelled like a piece of heaven. I managed to make it last until the middle of this year, I saved it for the days when I needed a pick me up. I'd put it on an immediately it'd cheer me up and calm me down. 

Those of you who are a fan of balm cleansers need to try Audra's version. It's so much better than the Eve Lom cleanser that everyone raves about. Not only is it better, it's a hell of a lot cheaper too.

Lush Ro's Argan and Rose Jam - Rose lovers, you need these products in your life, they smell like a little slice of rosey heaven. Rose Jam shower gel is limited edition but it is available regularly so keep your eye out and grab a bottle or two next time it's released. 

Ro's Argan is a very clever little thing. It's a moisturising shower gel. Sounds strange but it works. You rub it all over yourself when you're in the shower, wash it off and when you get out of the shower you have super hydrated, soft skin. Magic. 

The Natural Supply Co -I haven't done a post about it yet but Natural Supply Co is why my Beauty Diet came to a crashing end. It was all their fault. They opened in October with such a beautiful range of products that I was forced to place an order. Three times. And I've just placed another one. Oops. I see many more orders in my future.

Yard Skincare Lip Bloss -What the hell is a Bloss? I can hear you all thinking it. A Bloss is a mix of a balm and a gloss. Brilliant! I currently have two Blosses and am planning on buying more. They come in beautiful little tins and have the most amazing flavours. Both the Blosses I have give a lovely wash of sheer colour, they're light on the lips and lovely to use.

Chapstick Cake Batter Lip Balm -Cake Batter! What else do I need to say! These are limited edition so get on it.

Victoria's Secret lip butter - To my great disappointment I have yet to visit the Victoria's Secret store as it opened a few months after we left Perth. Every now and again Tiger will buy me something from there and so far I've loved everything he's given me. The product I love the most is the Lip Butter. The texture of these is more like a thick lip gloss than a balm, they're a little sticky but due to that they last a few hours and are super hydrating.

Nudus lipstick - Over the years I've tried lots of natural lipsticks and whilst they've been okay I wouldn't repurchase any of them. Until now that is. Nudus lipsticks are perfection. They smell beautiful, are long lasting, hydrating and a pleasure to use. Whilst they aren't cheap, they are worth every cent. I'll be adding a few more to my collection this year. 

The Body Shop Wild Argan range -I've become a little obsessed with The Body Shop this year, they've released some beautiful new products. Out of all the new released the Wild Argan range is my favourite. Firstly, unlike most of the other argan oils I've used, it smells amazing. Secondly, the Lip Oil and Miracle Solid Oil are amazing. Being oil I thought that the lip one would be really light and need constant reapplication but it doesn't. It has a medium texture and doesn't feel greasy. Once on my lips it lasts about an hour which I'm pretty happy with. 

Miracle Solid Oil is the product you should buy if you are only getting one product from the Wild Argan range. I use it as a body moisturiser, hair treatment, hand cream and cuticle treatment. Magic.

Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder and Blush - I'm sure there's nothing I can tell you about either of these that hasn't already been written so I won't bother. What I will say is that I'd happily get rid of all my blushes and only use my Ambient Lighting blush. It's the only blush I've used for the last few months and I'd happily use it exclusively for the rest of my days. Big call.

The Ambient Lighting powder is like photoshop for the face. I don't do shimmer anymore, it doesn't work on my 41 year old skin, it just makes me look old and horrible, so I wasn't sure that the Ambient Lighting powder would work for me but it does. The shimmer is so fine as to be undetectable. I have Luminous Light and I use it all over as I would a face powder. The effect is amazing, it blurs my fine lines and imperfections and makes my skin look amazing. You all need one (or three)!

Innoxa liquid eyeliner - Here's another product I'd happily use for the rest of my life. In fact, it's the only eyeliner I've used for the last three months. It has a felt tip so is super easy to use, it has a lovely opaque colour and it lasts all day. Perfect. You need one. Or two. 

And just because I can't stick to the rules, here's a bonus one.

Handmade and Marina - I discovered this range a few months ago when I was at the local markets. Marina hand makes beautiful skin care. I asked her if she could make a lavender vanilla lotion for me, so she did and it's heaven. 

Monday, 12 January 2015

Olay Regenerist Luminous Update

I've finished all my Olay Regenerist Luminous products so it's time to let you know how I went.

These photos show my results after eight weeks. As you can see in the photo above, the dark patch near my eye is lighter and I think my skin looks fresher. The dark spots are definitely less noticeable than they were eight weeks ago.

The cleanser lasted six weeks, the moisturiser lasted seven weeks and the serum lasted me eight weeks.

The cleanser is quite interesting. It has tiny little exfoliating beads in it. When I say they're tiny, I really mean that they are tiny. So tiny that I was pretty convinced they couldn't possibly exfoliate, however they must because after a week my skin started feeling very smooth. I wasn't using any other exfoliant so it must have been the cleanser. You might think that exfoliating beads in a cleanser are a bad idea, but they are so gentle that they didn't hinder the cleansing at all. I even used it on my eyes with no problems. 

In my opinion the serum is a dupe for the Estee Lauder Idealist Even Skintone Illuminator. It's very light, is undetectable once it's absorbed and provides instant illumination. I'll definitely be buying this again. 

The moisturiser is perfect for my normal to dry skin. It's hydrating, absorbs quickly and leaves my skin feeling soft. It's quite rich and I don't think it'd work for oily skin, so that's something to keep in mind. 

Out of all three products, my pick is the serum. If I could only buy one product from the range it'd be the serum. 

Note: These products were provided for review. 

Friday, 9 January 2015

FFS Friday - Toxic

This week I read back through some old FFS Friday posts and it confirmed what I'd always suspected, I'm awesome. Haha, no, not really. It confirmed that Chai has never coped with Tiger doing FIFO. FFS.

It seems to be getting worse and worse. FFS.

He's getting more upset, more clingy and more unhappy. FFS.

He's going to kindy in a few weeks and I'm so worried that it's going to be a nightmare. FFS.

He constantly tells me that he doesn't want to go. FFS.

Lately he hasn't even wanted to leave the house, he's just wanted to stay home all day. FFS.

I'm hoping there will be some sort of miracle once kindy starts and he'll love it. 

For the first time, this week I took both the boys into the pool on my own. I've never been brave enough to do this before because I'm too worried about them drowning. 

I got to see what it'd be like if my baby drowned. FFS.

We were in the pool and I needed to put on more sunscreen so I got both the boys out of the pool and got the sunscreen. I put Eljay down to get the sunscreen and he ran back to the pool. FFS.

I followed him and watched as he got onto the first step of the pool. I told him to stop but he didn't. He got onto the second step and again I told him to stop, but he didn't. FFS.

He went for the third step but it's too deep for him, so he went right under the water. FFS.

He was only under there for seconds, at a guess I'd say it wouldn't have been more than five second because I was right there with him, but they are five seconds that I'll never forget. FFS.

It's the look on his face that I'll never forget. And the silence. There was no sound at all. He just went under the water, turned over so that he was facing upwards and started to sink. His eyes were wide open and the look of terror on his face was awful. Haunting. FFS.

FFS doesn't cover it really. 

He wasn't even under long enough to take a breath so when I got him out he was perfectly happy, he just took a breath and then grinned at me. FFS.

I want to get him a swimming vest but haven't been able to find one in his size. I've been looking for months now and there's nothing around here. There's plenty for two year olds but nothing for one year olds. FFS.

As if that wasn't enough trauma for the week, Tuesday night I got gastro. FFS.

I timed it well. Not FFS.

Tiger got home Tuesday and in the early hours of Wednesday morning I got gastro. FFS.

I spent all Wednesday in bed whilst Tiger looked after the boys. Not FFS.

Thursday I got up, walked into the kitchen and saw a total mess. FFS.

Why is it that when a man gets sick the household continues on as normal but when the woman gets sick the house falls apart? 

There was milk in the coffee machine from the morning before, food that'd been left on the bench overnight, the dishwasher hadn't been unpacked so there were dishes everywhere, a sharp knife on the table where the boys could reach it, a wet nappy in the bathroom and mess all over the place. I even found food and a dirty bowl in the boys playroom. FFS.

I spent half an hour tidying everything up. FFS.

Tiger is great with the boys and usually pretty good with housework too, so why he couldn't manage both I have no idea. FFS.

That's all from me, now it's your turn. 


Wednesday, 7 January 2015

December Empties

Swisse Hand Wash - I was really happy with this and will buy it again. It smells lovely and wasn't drying on my frequently washed hands.

Aveeno Ultra-Calming Foaming Cleanser - This one isn't an empty, it's full, but the pump doesn't work so I couldn't get any product out.

Aveeno Ultra-Calming Moisturising Cream Cleanser - If you are a fan of cream cleansers this one is worth trying. It's gentle on the skin, removes make-up (including eye make-up) easily and is reasonably priced.

Nioxin Bliss - Finally I finished this! I've had it for years. And when I say years, I mean years, I bought it when I had blonde hair and I haven't been blonde for at least four years. Bliss is a leave in conditioner that was okay but not amazing. If I hadn't discovered hair oils I would have rated this higher, but it just doesn't compare to an oil.
Little Innoscents Intensive Soothing Cream - I love this moisturiser. It's great for kids and adults. I use it on myself and the boys when we have really dry skin or eczema.

Essence All-In-One BB Cream - As far as western BB creams go this one is pretty good. I still haven't found a western BB that has anything on the proper Asian ones though. I'll buy this again, it gives good coverage, has SPF and is super cheap.

The Jojoba Company Anti-Aging Day Cream -I've loved all of the products I've tried from The Jojoba Company, however this one I'm a bit meh about. There's nothing wrong with it, I just didn't love it.

Olay Regenerist Luminous Serum, Moisuriser and Cleanser - I have a full review of this range coming soon, but suffice to say that I really liked everything.

Aesop Purifying Facial Cream Cleanser - My beautiful friend Karen gave me this and it's the first Aesop product I've tried. I used this as a morning cleanser, it was very gentle and pleasant to use.

Mukti Cocoa Vanilla Body Butter - This smells amazing and I really loved it. It's great for dry skin as it's super hydrating, so hydrating that it takes a bit of effort to rub in.

Nivea Thermo Daily Warming Cleanser - Never again will I be without my warming cleanser. It's very gentle, the warming sensation feels lovely and it makes my skin very smooth.

Sircuit Skin Mangilla Lip Balm - I really wish I knew where I'd bought this because I'd love to buy another one. It's a lovely balm, you can read all about it here.
Beau Jardin Sugar Scrub - I got this on clearance at Target and it's a real shame because it's a beautiful product. It can be a little difficult to get out of the jar when it's getting empty, but other than that it's a great scrub. That I can no longer buy. Typical.

Kosmea Facial Cleansing Wipes - These are right up there with my HG WotNot face wipes. They smell like roses, easily remove all my make-up and they smell like roses! Yes, I am obsessed with products that smell like roses.

BOE Marshmallow Spice Scrub - This was total crap. There were barely any scrubby bits and they were so soft that they were incapable of scrubbing anything. There was nothing to redeem this at all, the scent wasn't strong enough, it was a total fail.

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Project Life Detox - Lipsticks

I've already done a quick cull of my lipsticks and lip glosses and got rid of 53 products! Crazy isn't it? That was only a quick cull, I still need to go through again and get rid of more. A few things went into a use it or lose it pile, so I'll test them out over the next few weeks and if I don't love them in the bin they will go.

To help me finish some of the lipsticks that I do like, I've pulled out three and they'll be the only ones I use until they are gone (other than the days I feel like a statement lip). As you can see, my Chantecaille Lip Chic is nearly done, I think it'll only be a few weeks until I've used it up. The two Makeup Forever lipsticks are ancient. I've had them for at least six years. Magically they are still as good as the day I bought them, so I'll keep using them until they are finished.
I haven't yet decided what I'm going to do about repurchasing holy grail products yet. The Chantecaille Lip Chic is one of my all time favourite lipsticks, it's something I never want to be without, so I'd really like to repurchase it straight away. The thing is, I have so many other lipsticks that it seems silly to be buying another one. I think I might wait until I've tossed more products and got my collection down to a useable and manageable size.

Monday, 5 January 2015

Tag: The blogger made me buy it

I was tagged by the lovely Sophie from Born to Buy to do The Blogger Made Me Buy It tag. Initially I had to think about this one quite a lot, then I went through the photos on my computer and realised that a large portion of my collection is products I purchased after reading blogs. I had to stop this list at ten otherwise I would have been here for ages. So, in no particular order, here are the products that bloggers have made me buy.

Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder
These were all over the internet when they were released, it seemed like every blogger was raving about them. When they finally reached Australia I went in to Mecca to check them out and was told they were for contouring so I didn't get one. Fast forward a few months and I saw that people were using them as all over face powders so I went back to Mecca where I got a different makeup artist and walked away with Luminous Light. In my opinion these are totally worth the hype. 

Hourglass Ambient Lighting Blush
Like the Ambient Lighting Powders, these were all over the internet. Before they'd even arrived in Oz I knew which one I wanted and I bought it as soon as they hit the Mecca website. When mine arrived I was quite disappointed as it had a lot of white in it, but now that I've used it there's more pink and less white. This is one of my all time favourite blushes.

Hourglass Primer
I haven't actually bought this yet, I just have a sample of it, but I'll be buying a full sized bottle after I've used my current primers. I blame Sophie for this one. 

Maybelline Colour Elixir Lip Gloss
These were all over the internet for months before they finally arrived in Australia. As soon as they did I was onto them! I can see what all the hype is about. They have great colour payoff, a beautiful glossy finish and yet they feel like a lip balm.

Maybelline Colour Whisper 
These are another product that were all over the internet. Actually, most of the things that bloggers have made me buy have been all over the internet, that's what made me buy them! Colour Whispers are one of the products that I don't get the hype. They are really light, not hydrating and have a very, very sheer colour. Not worth the hype in my opinion. 

Revlon Colourburst Lip Butter
One of the problems of living in Australia is that we get products so many months after they've been released overseas. For me that means that by the time something arrives here I've built it up in my mind and I expect it to be amazing. Often they aren't. The Colourburst Lip Butters are one of the products that were amazing. They have the colour pay off of a lipstick with the feel of a balm. Winning. 

Burberry Eyeshadow
Ah Burberry. Everything Burberry looks amazing. I want it all. 

By Terry Baume de Rose
I love everything By Terry and had been wanting Baume de Rose for ages. I resisted and resisted, telling myself that no lip balm could be worth that much money. I stayed strong until I read about it on Anna's blog and that tipped me over the edge. For non lip balm lovers I don't think it's worth it, but if you are a lip balm lover like me this is totally worth the price.  

Micellar Water
I gave in to the hype and got the Garnier Micellar water when it was released. I have to say I really don't know why Micellar waters are so popular, they do the same job as any old makeup remover. 

The Body Shop Honey Bronzer
This one is Estee's fault. She's pale like me and loves this bronzer so I knew it would work for me. I've always wanted to use bronzer but have never managed to master application. With this it's pale enough that it's foolproof, even for a bronzerphobe like me. Pale girls, you need this!

If you'd like to do this tag, consider yourself tagged. Please post the link to your post in the comments so I can read it.

What products have you bought because of a blogger?

Sunday, 4 January 2015

My Story: Part 7

In January 2009 I went off all my Crohn's medication because I was pregnant. When the pregnancy test came up positive my Dr's first words were "Oh no". Not what you want to hear when you are pregnant. After that came the worst four weeks of my life. I had a blighted ovum. It means that you get pregnant and the fertilised egg implants but no baby grows. Because there is an implanted egg you have all the pregnancy symptoms and hormones but no baby. It was hell. To make sure that it wasn't just a slow growing baby, I had an ultrasound every week from 8 weeks through to 12 weeks. Often in these cases you'll miscarry, however I didn't. I had what they called a missed miscarriage so had to have an operation to get rid of everything. It was awful. I felt like I was aborting a baby even though I knew there was no baby. I felt pregnant so it didn't seem possible that I wasn't. Hell. I hope none of you have to go through that, it was horrible.

The Crohn's drugs probably had a lot to do with my blighted ovum. They are category 3 drugs which are the highest risk ones you can take during pregnancy. We hadn't planned to get pregnant and I was on birth control, but due to me not absorbing things properly, the birth control hadn't worked. 

By March 2009 I was working three and a half days a week. I was also catching the train to work. I started out catching the train one day a week and slowly worked up to catching it every day. When I first started catching the train I'd have several rest stops along the way. It'd take me half an hour to walk from the train to work, when I was healthy it only took me four minutes. 
I continued working those hours until I went on maternity leave in 2011.

I also started warming up. When I was sick, I was so cold. I've never been so cold in my life. I've always enjoyed winter and the cold weather but when I got sick I was freezing and I just couldn't get warm. It was like I was cold from the inside out, even my bones were cold. I felt like my bones were frozen and they were radiating the cold out through my flesh and freezing me from the inside out. Even in the warm weather (around 38 degrees) I wasn't hot. In that heat I'd feel like I was starting to thaw out, but I was still a little bit cold. Magically that feeling stopped at the end of 2009.

Slowly but surely things started to improve but it wasn't until 2011 that I really started to feel normal again. The pain had gone away, my energy levels were good and I felt like my old self. When I got pregnant with Chai I was worried that I'd have a flare up but I didn't. I was very, very worried that I'd have a flare up after I had him but again, I didn't. 

I'm very lucky to be able to say that other than a few minor flares I am still in remission. These days I lead a fairly normal life. I am careful with my diet, but no more careful than I was before I got sick (I've always liked to eat healthy food).

It's only in the last few months that I have stopped needing my vitamin b12 injections. I'm extremely pleased that I don't need the b12 shots, it means I'm absorbing b12 and that means my bowel is doing okay. 

I still get stomach pain every now and again, but it's pretty rare and the pain isn't bad, it's just a niggle. 

I'm one of the lucky ones. I know a lot of people who struggle daily. People who don't get better and have had parts of their bowel removed. I'm eternally grateful that I got better. 

When you've been gravely ill you don't take your health for granted, you know how precious it is and you know that without your health you have nothing. Despite it being an awful time in my life, I'm grateful for the lessons I learned. I learned who my friends are. I learned that I am bloody tough. I learned compassion and I came out of the experience a better, stronger person. For that I'll be eternally grateful.

That concludes my Crohn's story. I have many other stories that I'll tell over time but now it's over to you. If you have a story that you'd like to share (anonymously if you wish) send me an email.

Friday, 2 January 2015

FFS Friday - Round Two

For the first time in history there are two FFS Friday posts on the same day. Last night and today made sure of that. FFS.

This is episode 367 of Things That Only Happen When Tiger Is Away. AKA FIFO Sucks.

It all started last night. I was tired but still didn't manage to get to bed until 9.30pm. FFS.

Eljay was stirring so I didn't get to sleep and he woke up at 10pm. FFS.

Usually when he wakes up I can lay him down and resettle him but he wouldn't settle, he wanted to be cuddled. I picked him up to cuddle him and in thanks he spewed. FFS.

All down my back, through my hair, over my pants, all over him and on the carpet. FFS.

I took him into the bathroom so I could clean us up and he spewed again. FFS.

He cried every time I put him down so I got changed whilst holding him, then cleaned him up and put him back to sleep. There was spew all over the carpet but I couldn't clean it up because the boys were asleep, so I covered it in towels. The whole room stunk like spew. Nice. FFS.

I couldn't have a shower to get the spew out of my hair, so I stunk too. FFS.

Half an hour later he woke up and spewed all over both of us again. FFS. 

I got us both cleaned up, got him back to sleep and ten minutes later he spewed over us again. FFS.

Then I couldn't get him back to sleep. FFS.

Just to make things even more interesting, Chai woke up too and wanted to be cuddled back to sleep. FFS.

Eljay refused to lay in his cot because I'd put a towel in it, so I covered my bed in towels and got him to sleep on my chest. I had him on one side and Chai on the other side. FFS.

By the time I got everyone settled it was 2am and I hadn't been to sleep. FFS.

Thankfully we all slept from 2am to 5.30am. Not FFS.

Eljay was sick again in the morning. FFS.

Thankfully he was only sick once then seemed to be okay. Not FFS.

I got both the boys breakfast and as I was walking through the kitchen I stepped on something soft and squishy. I didn't think much of it because the kids are always dropping something on the floor. Little did I know. FFS.

A few minutes later I was sitting there drinking my much needed coffee when I saw maggots on the floor. You have to be kidding me! Maggots in my house! FFS!

I have no idea where they came from but they were all through the kitchen, dining room and lounge room. FFS.

Thankfully after my previous encounters with them I knew that boiling water is the way to get rid of them, so I boiled the jug and killed them all. Not FFS.

Having said that, I'm still finding a few rouge ones around the house. FFS.

It was 1pm before I'd finished doing the spew washing, cleaning the spew off the carpet and demaggoting the house. FFS.

Then I finally got to have a shower and wash the spew out of my hair. Not FFS.

So, that's been my day today. Please tell me you've had a wonderful day.

FFS Friday - Self gifting

Wednesday I got a Facebook friend request. From my cousin. The pedophile. FFS.

He's the cousin who molested me when I was 9. He was 17. FFS.

Mum said that what he did wasn't wrong as he was just "sexually experimenting". Right. FFS.

17 year olds do not "experiment' with 9 year olds. FFS.

WTF he thought I'd want him as a friend I have no idea. FFS.

I blocked him. FFS.

But now I wonder if he'll be able to see photos of me that are on our family members profiles. FFS.

I suppose it doesn't matter, I haven't seen him for over 20 years, but I don't want him knowing anything about me. FFS.

Filthy disgusting pedophile. People like that deserve the death sentence. 

Wednesday was one of those days. He just added to it. FFS.

Tiger is away so of course things are not much fun. FFS.

We hardly got any sleep Tuesday night, both boys kept on waking up and our day started at 5am. FFS.

By 7am I'd already screamed at the kids. FFS.

Mother of the year here. FFS.

From the second they woke up they were fighting, hitting each other and screaming. FFS.

At 7am, when I was trying to do a poo with them both in the bathroom screaming at each other, I yelled at them to shut up! FFS.

So they both started crying. FFS.

If I'm perfectly honest, the crying was easier to deal with than the screaming. FFS.

At 7.05am I'd locked myself in the toilet so that I didn't have to listen to the screaming and crying. FFS. 

It didn't work cause I could still hear them and Chai just screamed louder until he found me. FFS.

That morning we had to go out to get a birthday present for Dad. Eljay has decided he hates being strapped into his car seat so screams, arches his back and makes things really difficult. FFS.

I finally got him strapped in and two minutes down the road Chai decided he was hungry. FFS.

He'd refused to eat breakfast so it wasn't surprising. FFS.

The shop I was going to is a beautiful homewares shop. It's always scary taking the kids into a shop like that as there are so many breakables. FFS.

I strapped Eljay onto my back and prayed that Chai would behave. FFS.

I'd just started looking around when Chai announced that he was busting to do a poo. FFS.

The shop wouldn't let us use their toilet. FFS.

The nearest toilet was a 5 minute walk away. FFS.

We only just made it in time. FFS.

Then we had to go back to get Dad's present. FFS.

The whole time Chai was complaining about being hungry. FFS.

That's what happens when you won't eat breakfast buddy. FFS.

I got one present for Dad and three for me. Not FFS.

Behold my 650 ml coffee cups! And Wilbur the owl.
That's shopping done right. Not FFS.

The afternoon didn't improve. FFS.

Chai was being so nasty to Eljay. He threw a car at him and hit him in the head. FFS.

He'd thrown the car so hard that it bounced off Eljay's head and hit the fridge. FFS.

I lost my temper, grabbed Chai and put him on the couch then went into the bedroom with Eljay and shut the door. FFS.

Chai screamed at the top of his lungs for ten minutes. FFS.

I was convinced the police were going to turn up. FFS.

I'm amazed that they didn't. FFS.

I got Eljay calmed down and Chai eventually stopped screaming. Not FFS.

Then we went for a swim. I really didn't want to reward Chai's bad behaviour but I needed to calm us all down. Plus I know that Chai's behaviour was because of Tiger going away. The first few days after he's gone are always tough. I hate FIFO. FFS.

That is all. 
It's your turn now.

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Project Life Detox - Make-up and skincare cull

Happy new year! I hope you all had a wonderful evening and great start to the new year. I was in bed at 9.30pm, haha.
To start off the year in the same fashion I mean to continue, I did a cull of my make-up and skincare.  I was determined to fill my bin with products I don't love. I'd hoped to fill it entirely with make-up, however I didn't quite make up so added a little bit of skincare in order to get the bin full.
The above photos are all the make-up I culled and the photos below are with skin care added in. 

Any new products I put aside to give away, but anything that was unloved, used, old or expired went into the bin. I still need to do more culling but this was a great start!

Project Life Detox - Make-up

Today marks the second phase of my Project Life Detox the make-up and skincare detox. Regular readers will know that I've been pondering this for a while, trying to work out what it will look out and how I will stick to my resolve to curb my frivolous spending. Last years Beauty Diet was a great start, it got me using things up and thinking more about the products that I bought. 

This year I've decided to be more strict with myself. I am going to cut out all unnecessary makeup and skin care purchases. It may not sound like a big deal, but for me it is. I shop when I'm stressed, I shop when I'm bored and I shop to cheer myself up. As of now, that stops.

I've made a list of all my skin care products so that I can easily see what I have. In the past when I've run out of something I've had a quick look in the boxes, not found what I need so bought something new, only to later find out I already had a replacement. 

Surprisingly I don't have any back ups of cleanser or body scrubs, so I'll be repurchasing them as I run out. I have plenty of body lotions and body butters, I won't need to buy more this year. 

I'd like to make a list of all my make-up but that will take ages. Hopefully I'll get that done this month. 

Another part of this project is letting go of products that I don't love or that don't work for me. I have plenty of products that fit these categories but for some reason I hold onto them. One of the biggest reasons is that I hate throwing a perfectly good product in the bin. But from now on, if I can't find someone to give unwanted products to, they'll go in the bin. Brand new products I'll donate. 

I spent quite a lot of time last year destashing, giving things away, throwing out old or expired products and getting rid of things that I just don't love. Despite that, I still have a huge amount of excess products! 

I'm going to continue sorting through my stash and getting rid of products I don't love. The products I'm on the fence about will get tossed, because if I really loved them I wouldn't be on the fence about them.