Sunday, 16 February 2020

Thoughts of the week

1. Surgery tomorrow! I'm just want it over and done with. Can't say I'm looking forward to starting my recovery all over again but it'll be worth it.

2. The way media portrays women really shits me. They really need to stop constantly blaming women, it's just not okay. 
Take Perth Now. Let's compare how they portray women compared to how men are portrayed.
"Moment married Con wooed Denim" vs
"Man, 29, shared child sex material online"
Now let's fix that. If you read the article, Denim approached Constance, therefore it was him wooing her.
As for the man (paedophile), he shared child sex abuse porn.

3. Who's watching MAFS? I watched the first episode but just couldn't bring myself to watch any more. I might watch it on catch up when I'm laying around after my surgery.

4. I don't think Tiger realises that I'm going to be laying around the whole time he's home. I've told him numerous times but the reality of it just hasn't sunk in. He'll figure it out eventually.

5. I've got nothing else.

Friday, 14 February 2020

FFS Friday - I need a shower

Hi beautiful people. Today I have a story to tell.

I've been going to the gym for over a year now. It's a great gym, the staff and patrons are lovely and I really enjoy going there. 

Just after I started, I was in the middle of a workout when an old man came and asked me how to use a machine. I thought it was a little strange as it was very clear that I had no idea what I was doing, but I explained the machine to him. He stood there telling me his life story for about fifteen minutes and then wandered off. 

After that I saw him regularly, he'd always say hello and sometimes have a chat. He seemed friendly enough and I assumed he was just bored. He looks like he's in his 70's. 
He'd talk about his wife, daughter and grandchildren. I didn't tell him much about my life however he knows that I'm married with children. He's also chatted to Tiger.

A few months ago when he was talking about something he'd been practising he said "Imagine if I'd been practising my sex for that long." I just looked at him and said "What?" then he apologised and said it was his sense of humour. I told him it wasn't funny and walked off. 

I haven't seen him since, however last Friday he was at the gym. He came over for a chat and told me his wife is away at the moment. We talked about his grandchildren as he's been looking after them for a while. I told him that Tiger is at work and waiting for the cyclone to hit. You know, just random chat. 

A few minutes later as I was leaving the gym he asked me out for coffee. WTF?

He's married, I'm married, he's old enough to be my father. WTF is wrong with him? 

The more I think about it the more I'm offended that he thinks I'm the type of person who would cheat on their partner. Also, WTF would he think I'd be attracted to a man as old as my father. WTF?????

Honestly, WTF is wrong with people? Just because my husband works away people assume I'm up for a bit of casual sex? 
Here's a hot tip. A FIFO wife with children is not up for casual sex. We're fucking exhausted. All. The. Time. The last thing we're thinking about is sex. The only thing we're thinking about is sleep.

Plus, if I was going to have an affair I'd choose someone young and attractive not old and unattractive. 

Old sleeze bag has seen Tiger, he knows that Tiger is fit and super handsome, he could never hope to compare.

It's bloody rude and offensive. I told the gym owner about it just in case he's harassing other women. It's a quick way to lose your gym membership. 

Dirty old man.

Happy Valentines Day lovers xxx

Sunday, 9 February 2020

Thoughts of the week

1. Dior have released a lip oil and I need it.

2. Cyclone Damien hit yesterday and hubby is up there in the thick of it. He's safe and has plenty of food and water so that's the main thing. It was a harrowing day for him (and for me worrying about him). They had no power overnight and he wasn't provided with a torch or candles so he sat there in the dark night. Thankfully the worst is now over.

3. This week I got to meet Rosie in person. We've been friends online for over twenty years and now we've finally met! It's so wonderful when you finally get to meet the person you've been chatting to for years. I need to meet Karen next.

4. I've been told by a lot of people that my FFS Friday posts are brave. It's so sad that being open and honest is brave. Wouldn't it be great if everyone was free to speak their truth without fear of being judged?

5. Eight days until my surgery. Not that I'm counting. 
This week the anaesthetist's office called. They wanted me to go in for a pre surgery appointment at 7.50am. Really! 
I told them I'd attend the appointment with my two children as there's no way I could get someone to look after them at that hour of the morning. 
They sent me a form instead. 
It was a one page form. 
Specialist appointments are usually at least $180. So I would have paid $180 for the anaesthetist to ask me ten questions. Seems a bit pointless and unnecessary to me. 

Friday, 7 February 2020

FFS Friday - Souls

How is it Friday already? I'm not prepared at all. I swear it was Monday yesterday.

I think I might give up on psychologists. We've seen so many but I just can't find someone who works for us.

The problem is that I'm just not willing to follow their advice because it doesn't align with the way I parent.

The last psych we saw was lovely. I really like her but we just aren't on the same page. Firstly she's anti home schooling.
But what really put me off is the advice she gave me. She says that I need to change the dynamic between the boys (she's right). The way she suggests I do this is by sending Eljay to school plus before and after school care. She said he'll hate it and be miserable for six to twelve months, but it'll be good for him.

I just can't do that. I can't have my child sad and upset for six months. I couldn't deal with that for a week let alone six months.

Advice like that just makes no sense to me. It's not logical and my brain just doesn't understand why a professional would give advice like that. I'm trying to have happy kids not miserable kids. 

I am so not qualified to be the parent of a child with mental health issues. I just don't know how to deal with it. No-one seems to be able to help me, no matter how many people I ask how to help a child with anxiety, I'm yet to receive any helpful advice. They all just want to medicate but the medication doesn't work. WTF do I have to do to get help?

Parenting a child with special needs is relentless. It never stops. You don't get a break, it's constant, endless stress. It's constantly trying to stay calm when you're screaming inside. It's not yelling when you just want to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP!! It's putting on a happy face when you just want to sit down and cry. 
It's saying "I'm good thanks" when someone asks how you are because you know they just wouldn't understand so there's no point telling them the truth. 
It's buying things you don't need just so you have something to look forward to instead of spending the whole day wondering how you're going to make it through the day and counting down the hours until bedtime.
It's constantly searching for answers. 
It's lying in bed at night convinced you haven't done your best and wondering what else you can do to fix your baby.
It's desperately needing a break but knowing you're not going to get it. 
It's dreaming of getting just a little bit sick so that you can have a few nights in hospital for a rest. 
It's hours spent searching online for new therapies to help your child. 
It's looking at the clock at 5am and wondering how you're going to survive the very long day. 
It's explaining to well meaning people that no, your child doesn't need discipline and that yes, you have tried every single thing they suggest. 
It's endless appointments with Dr's, Paediatricians, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Occupational Therapists Naturopaths and anyone else you can think of.  
It's feeling like you're going to explode from the effort of holding in your emotions and remaining calm. 
It's googling "can stress kill me?" and having no idea how you're going to continue whilst knowing that you have no choice but to pick yourself up and keep on going. 

It's also loving the beautiful, creative and imaginative little soul that you get to nurture. 
It's being amazed at how his brain works. 
It's loving how unique he is and how he marches to the beat of his own drum. 
It's being so grateful that you get to parent two beautiful, precious boys and not being able to imagine life without them.

Have a beautiful weekend xxx

Sunday, 2 February 2020

Thoughts of the week

1.I've started derma rolling and it's so good. I've always been slightly scared of derma rolling because it looks freaky and my skin can be sensitive. I roll very lightly and am starting with only once a week, but already I can notice a difference. My skin is so much softer and smoother. I can't wait to see what the results will be when I've been rolling for a few months.

2. School goes back tomorrow. I look at all the kids getting ready to go back to school and feel so relieved that we home school.

3. When Tiger stops doing FIFO I'd like to get a job. The problem is I have no idea what I'd do. I'll need to study, but have no idea what to study. I'm sure I'll figure it out sooner or later.

4. I'm in a shopping mood and want to buy all the things. Someone stop me.

5. So. I've been using the Tatcha Kissu Lip Mask for a week now. It's okay. I'm still not blown away by it. I'll keep using it, maybe a miracle will happen.

Friday, 31 January 2020

FFS Friday - Don't matter

I was talking to a beautiful girl last week and our conversation got me thinking.
She was telling me that she wants to lose 5kgs before she goes on holiday because she'll be in a bikini.

I'm currently 13kgs over the weight that I used to be when I was younger. If I had to set a goal weight to get back to, a while ago it would have been that weight. Now, I'm not so fussed.

Here's what I said to the beautiful girl I was talking to.

Whenever you feel bad about your body go to a gym or the beach. Look around and you'll see all sorts of people of all different sizes. You'll see big people, small people, tall people, short people, round people, long people etc.

Now look what they're doing. If they're at the gym, they're working out. If they're at the beach, they're enjoying themselves. 

How many of them are looking around and thinking critical things about how everyone else looks? Probably none. But just for a minute imagine that they are. Imagine that a random person is sitting there thinking about how awful you look. Do you know them? Will you ever see them again? Is their opinion relevant to you and your life?

So, wear what you want, enjoy your life and stop worrying about how you look because those people who matter don't mind and those people who mind don't matter. 

That's my Ted talk for the day.

I could have been having surgery today. Who's over hearing about my ankle? I'm over it too, so let's not talk about it.

Whilst he was home Tiger decided to take Chai off his medication. It's going okay, but things always do when Tiger is home. The test will be when he's gone back to work. What's the bet it'll all fall apart and I'll be left to deal with the mess as usual?

Have a beautiful weekend everyone. 

January round up

Well what a start to the year it's been. This year I'll be posting monthly round ups so that at the end of the year I can look back on what we've done throughout the year. 

We've had a good month.

We got to see live pole vaulting for the first time and loved it. Can't wait to watch it again next year.

For home schooling we're learning about the climates in Australia and different cultures around the world.

I got my first Gucci lipstick, it's beautiful and I want more.

We're now one month closer to Tiger finishing FIFO. It doesn't seem real. He's been FIFO for seven years now. I barely remember what it's like to have him home. It's going to be an interesting transition for us all.

The boys finally got good quality bikes and have been having a great time riding them.

We spent quite a lot of time time with cousins which was lovely.

On the long weekend we had friends over and spent the whole time lazing around the house with them. It's the first time we've had non family visitors.

Eljay is loving back scratches at the moment. He'll lay there happily for as long as I'm willing to scratch his back.

Chai's a bundle of energy still. He's off his medication and seems to be doing okay so far.

I'm waiting for ankle surgery. I've had enough and just want it fixed so I can get back to my normal, active life.

I hope you've all had a great start to the year. 

Sunday, 26 January 2020

Thoughts of the week

1. I wasn't surprised when I watched Prince Harry say that it was his decision to step back from the monarchy. The press are quick to blame Meghan but it's clear that Harry has never liked the media (who can blame him!)

2. There's a new addition to Bobbi Browns Crushed lip collection, an oil infused gloss. I'm tempted. Very tempted.

3. Whilst we're talking of lip products, I got the Tatcha Kissu Lip Mask. I need to test it more, but so far it's not as amazing as all the hype suggests.

4. It's my brothers birthday today. We haven't spoken for over two years now. It's a long story, but basically he's unwilling to take responsibility for his choices and blames everyone else.
I have no intention of speaking to him again. 
Just remember, some words you can't take back. Things you say can permanently affect your relationship with people. 
Sadly, people often realise this when the words have been spoken and it's too late.

5. Have a great long weekend!

Friday, 24 January 2020

FFS Friday - No joke

I was supposed to be having surgery today.
I'm not.
It was delayed until next Friday.
After I thought about it I realised that next Friday won't work, so now I'm not having surgery until the middle of February. FFS. 

I am so over waiting.
They tried to fit me in today to align with Tigers swing but a lady refused to swap dates.
I want to think awful things about her refusing to swap. Her surgery isn't urgent and she could have waited another week.
I can't think horrible things about her though because I understand wanting to get the surgery over and done with. I understand not wanting to be in pain any more.
Even though my situation is more urgent than hers, I can totally understand her refusal to swap.
Her surgery is elective, unlike mine, however I'm sure to her it's just as urgent as my surgery.

Tiger is casual so doesn't have any leave. He can't take holidays. I have to be off my feet for ten days.
I don't want to ask Mum to come down. She probably would, however looking after the boys is really tough and I don't want to put her through that again.

By the time I have my surgery it'll be almost five months since I injured myself. Five months of constant pain and broken sleep. I'm ready for that to be over.

Whilst I know delaying is the logical thing to do, mentally I'm not on board with it. Tiger said that he'd take a week off (unpaid) and we'd find the money somewhere but the last thing we need is money stress. 
At the moment my logical brain is fighting with my emotional brain and I'm trying not to be upset. 

Last night Tiger made a joke about my ankle. I gave him a deadpan look and told him I've lost all sense of humour and there's nothing funny about my ankle. 
So that's where we are. 

But, on a positive note it means a few good things can happen. We have friends coming down this weekend. We'd told them we'd need to reschedule but when my surgery was cancelled it meant that they can come down.
It also means that I'll finally get to meet my friend Rosie. We've been friends online for around 20 years but never met. She's in my area for a little while and thanks to not having surgery I'll be able to meet her. 
So all up it's not too bad, just don't make jokes about my ankle.

Sunday, 19 January 2020

Thoughts of the week

1. Mecca have finally got the much hyped Tatcha Kissu lip mask. It doesn't stay in stock long, so if you see it, grab it.

2. Last weekend we watched pole vaulting live and it was amazing. I didn't realise that it'd be so fun to watch. Even Chai loved it and most things can't keep his attention for more than a few minutes. 

3. If things go quiet around here it's because of my ankle op. I have to lay with my leg raised for 10 days. At least I think I do, I may have misheard my surgeon. If I do have to laze around for ten days, I'll see you in a few weeks.

4. You know how I said on Friday that my dictatorship was sort of working? It's not. FFS.

5. Whilst we're talking about kids, why is black paper so difficult to find? Black cardboard isn't a problem but black paper is so rare. Strangely we often need it for our home schooling lessons. I can get it in a huge pack with other colours, but I can't buy it alone.