My sister is doing a course at the moment and they asked everyone to tell three things about themselves. It couldn't be anything to do with their partners/ex partners or kids. When I thought about it, I really struggled to come up with three things. In my single life I would have easily come up with three things. I can still come up with three things about my single and pre children life. But my life now, not so easy. My life now is all about the kids. It's not about me. I've lost myself to motherhood.
I hear people talking about women who lose themselves to motherhood like it's a bad thing. Sometimes it probably is. I'm happy to have lost myself to my kids for the time being. They are young, I am their whole world and they need me. I'm okay with that. When they are both at school (if I don't home school), I will get myself back again. I won't find myself again as I already know who I am. I haven't forgotten. I know exactly who I am. I spent many years finding out who I am. Right now I am Chai and Eljay's mother. I always will be. But in a few years time when they don't need me so much I'll also be other things. I'll get a job, I'll have more time to spend with friends, I will be many other things. But I will always be their mum and I will never regret having temporarily lost myself to motherhood.