Friday, 7 July 2017

FFS Friday - Calamity

Last Monday started out like any other day. I had a busy day, raced around, got everything done and finally made it through the day. I was complimenting myself on making it through the day unscathed when it happened. 

As I do every night, I washed my face. I had the usual dilemma of which towel to use to dry my face. Do I use the hand towel that everyone uses and I have no idea what they've done with it, or do I use my towel and risk drying my face with the same part of the towel that I've dried my bum with? It's a tough one. I would have a dedicated face towel but with Tiger and the kids around any towel left around gets used for all sorts of unimaginable horrors. I went with the safer option of using my towel. I always dry my bum with the end of the towel, so using the middle of the towel to dry my face is a pretty safe option.

I dried my face and was about to leave the bathroom when I realised there was something very, very wrong. My face smelled like stinky armpit. Since Tiger was away I couldn't blame him and had to face the awful truth. 
It was my stinky armpit. 
Gross. 
I'd wiped my face with stinky armpit. Oh the horror. 
As if it wasn't bad enough that my face had been contaminated with stinky armpit and had to be rewashed, it also presented a whole set of different and equally awful horrors. 

Clearly I'd failed at the very basic task of washing myself in the morning. How I managed to do that is a mystery. It's not that difficult. It's not like I could have been distracted by anything else, my sole purpose of showering was to get clean, so how I failed at something so basic is an embarrassing mystery.  

Secondly, if I hadn't cleaned my pits properly it's highly likely that the deodorant I'd put on in the morning failed to hide my unclean scent, which means I went through the whole, busy day extremely stinky. I'd been all over the place. I went to school, to see my bff, to the Dr's surgery, for a massage, to two different supermarkets, to the chemist, the bakery and had a meeting with Chai's school teacher, all whilst smelling like the great unwashed. Oh the horror.

Questions have to be asked about how I failed to properly wash myself. I've had years of experience, I know what I'm doing, I wash myself every day. What went wrong on that fateful day? Was it user error, was it a failure of my body wash or was something more sinister happening?

I suppose we'll never know. 

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