Thursday, 22 March 2012

Hello. Is anyone out there?

I'm finding parenting to be a very lonely journey. Hubby works six days per week, most days he leaves the house at 5.30am and gets home at 6pm. Two nights per week he goes to martial arts so gets home at 7.30pm and on Saturday he gets home at 4pm. The majority of the time I'm on my own with bub. 

We go to playgroup, rhyme time and swimming lessons. I take bub to the park and for walks. All of these things I do on my own. Most days the only contact I have with other people is online and if I go to the shops.

Being a mum is very isolating. Most of my friends (with and without children) work. And those that don't work are busy with their own children. I don't have any family here so it's just me.

There are so many parts of parenthood that people just don't talk about. Like today. It took me half an hour to get bub to sleep. He screamed for 20 minutes until I finally put him on the boob. 26 minutes later and he's crying again. Give me strength.

There are times when I hate being a mum. I don't hate bub and I don't hate looking after him, but there are parts that I hate. Like waking up in the middle of the night and settling him back to sleep. I hate that. I don't use that word very often and it scares me that I can hate some parts of motherhood so much, but I do. It's an ugly truth but it's my truth. I'm sure other people feel this way but no-one ever talks about it. Why not? What's the harm in being honest? It doesn't mean that we love our children any less, it doesn't make us bad parents, it just makes us honest.

Mostly I love being a mum. Chai is the best thing that has happened to me and he's an absolute delight. I can't imagine going to work and having someone else look after him. He's so much fun to be with, he's so curious and interested in everything. But some parts are so not fun. And that's okay.

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