Friday, 22 November 2019

FFS Friday - What to do?

Having a busted ankle really isn't fun. I'm over it. As of this week I'm officially done. It's not fun, I've had enough and I want it fixed. Unfortunately it's not that simple. I still have another three months until I'm expected to be back to normal. FFS.

Having said that, there a few funny things about having a busted ankle, mainly I keep on getting stuck.

A few weeks ago I got stuck on a foot stool. I was in my wardrobe and wanted to look at my lip balms because I hadn't seen them for a few weeks. I climbed up onto the stool, admired my balms, turned around to get down and then realised I was stuck.
I couldn't put my busted ankle down first because I couldn't put weight on it. I couldn't put my other leg down first because I couldn't bend my ankle. I'd left my crutches in the kitchen, there was nothing I could hang on to in order to get down so I was totally stuck. I didn't want to call Mum to help me so I stood there for a while then fell/sat down. Won't do that again.

I also keep on getting stuck on the ground. I can't crouch down so if I need something on the floor I have to sit down, but then I can't get back up again. Fun times. Having a dodgy right knee just adds to the difficulties. Oh well.

I've decided to medicate Chai. I don't want to. We saw the paediatrician at the end of last month. He prescribed medication. I bought the meds but haven't given them to Chai yet. I keep on going around in circles. If he had asthma I'd happily give him the medicine so why am I so hesitant to give him medication that will help him and also help the whole family?

I've decided it comes down to the fact that mental heath issues aren't definite diagnoses, people can be misdiagnosed. If someone has asthma, there's no doubt about it so you know that they need medication. 
Mental health issues aren't like that. They can change and be misdiagnosed.

Chai doesn't want to take the meds because he doesn't trust the Dr. Fair enough. 
I have no idea what to do.
Everyone who's spent a decent amount of time around Chai thinks I should medicate him. Even people who are totally against medication change their minds after being around Chai. 
Some days I think he's not that bad, but then he's all I've ever know so his behaviour is normal to me (even though I know it's not normal behaviour). 
Other days I think he's terrible and I can't stand his behaviour a second longer. 

I just don't know what to do. 
What if I give him the meds and it has a long term negative effect on his health? What if I give it to him and it has long term positive effects on his health? 
What if I wait a while and his behaviour improves? What if I wait a while and his behaviour gets worse?
What if the meds cause other conditions (which is possible)? What if the meds make him docile and zombie like? What if they make him a dream child? 
Is it unkind of me not to give him the meds? It must be awful for him dealing with his anxiety and panic attacks. If the meds can stop that is it wrong not to give them to him?
They'd also help him sleep which could potentially mean that Tiger and I could sleep in the same bed. I don't remember the last time we slept in the same bed all night. It'd be at least two years, if not longer. 
Is it cruel to force him to take meds that he doesn't want to or do I need to make him for his own good?
See what I mean? I just keep on going around and around in circles. 

The meds he's been prescribed only need to be taken for six to twelve months then he can just take them when he's having a bad day. 

I think we need to give them a go. It could be life changing for all of us.

It's really silly but I feel like giving him the meds is giving in and admitting failure. I feel like I should be able to fix his mental health issues. The rational side of me knows how silly that is but the emotional side of me isn't listening to reason. 

What to do?

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