FFS Friday - Tough

Hello beautiful people. How are you all? I hope you've had a good week. Ours has been rough. 

 

Tuesday was particularly tough. Tuesday mornings are my least favourite day of the week. Chai has online tutoring at 7am. Every single Tuesday morning he sleeps in. Every other day he's awake before 6am. Tuesdays he sleeps in. Every. Single. Time. 

 

I have the alarm set for 6.15am but if he wakes up because of the alarm it puts him in a bad mood and means he has a bad day at school. If I wake him up that puts him in a bad mood too. If I turn on a light or open the curtains that also puts him in a bad mood. So I usually just try to move around a bit (he's always in my bed) to wake him up naturally without him realising I've deliberately woken him up. 

Once he's awake he has to start getting ready. He hates it. He prefers to have a quiet, slow start to the day (don't we all). 

This Tuesday was particularly tough. As usual, Chai slept in. I managed to wake him up without him realising I'd woken him up. We got up and he went straight onto his tablet. I don't like him having screen time first thing in the morning but it's only way I can keep him calm. If he doesn't have screen time he's awful to Eljay, they fight and then everyone is upset. 

So, Chai was on his tablet. I had to remind him every five minutes that he needed to eat his breakfast and get dressed. He refused to get dressed so I asked him to have breakfast. 6.50am he wasn't dressed and was still eating his breakfast. Tutoring starts at 7am. 7am arrived and he was still eating, so then got annoyed that his tutor was waiting. 

He finished his lesson and was getting dressed. When he was nearly dressed I took all our things out to the car, checked that he was ready to leave and started the car up. 

A few minutes later he came out screaming at me because he couldn't find his socks and I wasn't helping. He'd gone from being fine to having an angry screaming fit in the space of two minutes. FFS.

I had no idea what the problem was so got out of the car to ask him and he screamed at me that I wasn't helping him find his socks. I couldn't help him as I had no idea where his socks were. 

I made a few suggestions whilst he screamed at every single suggestion. I gave up and got back into the car. After a while Chai came out. His clothes were all uncomfortable. His socks were wrong, his jumper was annoying, everything was irritating him. He was rude and abusive the whole car trip. He was awful to Eljay and awful to me. Nothing I tried calmed him down. 

By the time we got to school Eljay was in tears and I was ready to cry.

I wasn't working but had to do a few things at school for the P&C. I couldn't even think straight but managed to hold it together whilst I was there. 

Tuesday was busy. I felt really fragile all day. When I picked up the boys Chai started again, he'd had a rough day. When he's in one of those moods he's awful to everyone around. Poor Eljay cops it the worst. 

Just to top things off that afternoon Ejlay hurt himself on his scooter, got really upset about it and said that he wanted to kill himself. That's not something a child should be thinking.

I clarified that he didn't really mean it then booked a psych appointment for him.

When I told Tiger his exact words to Eljay were "That's no good bubba". So helpful. FFS.

Sometimes life is so tough, I wonder how much longer I'll be able to keep on going. Dealing with Chai can be impossible, nothing I do or say is right. I have no support, no-one to talk to about it so I just have to take a deep breath, put on a smile and pretend that everything is okay.

I look around at the people who know me and none of them have any idea what things are like at home. They have no idea what our mornings are like.

It reminds me to be kind to people because you just never know what they're going through.

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend. If things are tough, I hope they improve soon.