Friday, 26 June 2020

FFS Friday - Broken wings

We're now a week closer to BIL's arrival and I'm filled with dread. I really, really don't want him here. I hate having people in my space. I have no idea how I'm going to cope. 

I've been asked by several people if Tiger discussed this with me before telling BIL he could stay with us. He did. He knows how I feel about it. If I insisted then BIL wouldn't stay, but he's family and I would never put Tiger in the position of having to tell his brother that he can't stay. 

As awful and difficult as it will be for me, Tiger hasn't lived in the same state as his brother for over seven years so it'll be really nice for them to get some quality time together. They are very close and Tiger has really missed BIL. I wouldn't deny him time with his family just as he wouldn't deny me if the tables were turned.

Tiger will do his best to protect me and make sure I'm coping okay. I've also arranged with my BFF to spend time at her place if I need to. She has a spare room and I have a key to her house so if I need to escape I can go there and stay a few nights whenever I want to. 
Added to that, I have a good friend who lives across the road so I can always go visit her when I need some peace.


This week it's become quite apparent that Chai is trying to kill us. He's expertly utilising various torture methods.

Sleep torture is his most effective weapon. After lulling us into complacency by giving us around three blissful weeks of him sleeping in his own bed all night, he's now reverted to coming into our room every single night. 

Not only does he come in, he makes sure to wake us up by shining a light into our face and talking until we are both wide awake. Once he's woken us both up he then refuses to go back to his own bed and tells us that he can't sleep because he's either scared or having bad thoughts. Fight this all we like, he will not go back to his own room and ultimately ends up happily ensconced in our bed whilst I lie there wide awake in our bed and Tiger does the same thing in Chai's bed.

We thought we'd outsmart him by putting a mattress in our room and telling him that if he came into our room he had to sleep on the mattress. That resulted in our worst night ever. He didn't like the mattress where it was so refused to sleep on it. We put him back into his bed where he started crying so we had to quickly get him out before he woke up Eljay.
Back in our room he still wouldn't sleep on the mattress and we were all wide awake. Mother Nature then decided to lend Chai a helping hand and started a huge storm. Chai is petrified of storms. 

I spat the dummy and went to the lounge room, resigned to being wide awake. Tiger put the mattress in the spot Chai wanted it and tried to get to sleep. Undeterred, Chai made sure Tiger couldn't get to sleep by asking to hop into bed with him every two minutes until he wore Tiger down. Chai slept in our bed with Tiger, I slept in Chai's bed that night. I think Tiger and I got about three hours sleep. 

We're totally broken.  

Added to that Chai's behaviour is horrible. He's so awful to his brother and nothing we do changes that. 

In a way it's been really good for Tiger to finally understand what I've been going through all these years. He's always thought that everything would be okay when he wasn't working away.
He's not working away and it's not okay. It's far from okay. 

We're both broken and I don't know how we're going to continue. I also know that we will continue because there is no other option.

If only we could find someone to help. 

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