Friday, 24 May 2019

FFS Friday - Instinct

Next Tuesday Tiger is going to work and not coming back until July. Yes, you read that right, July. He's going to be away for four to six weeks. I have no idea how I'm going to survive. Have I mentioned that FIFO sucks?

This has been a tough week. We had a disagreement with our new psych and he's refused to see Chai again, so once again I'm on the hunt for someone to help us.

Getting help is so very difficult. I can only imagine how awful it must be for people with mental illness who are trying to find help. 

I'm wondering if my expectations are too high. I want someone who will help without judgement, who follows through with what they said they'd do and someone who doesn't want us to medicate as a first option. You wouldn't think it'd be so difficult to find that person but it is.

The last psych that we had was so inconsistent, I found it really frustrating. 

That aside, I'm not here to rant about that today. I'm here to talk about trusting your instincts. Here's the thing, I wasn't sure about the latest psych from our first visit, however I reserved judgement and we went to three visits. Overall it cost us over $1,000 because he's in Perth and for two of the appointments we had to stay there overnight.

If I'd trusted my instincts I wouldn't have seen him again after the first visit so it would have only cost us $251.

The trouble is we spend our whole childhood being taught not to trust our instincts. We're told to eat when we aren't hungry and forced to do things that aren't right for us. We're made to go to school (which is all about conforming without question), hug relatives, be polite to our elders, wear clothes that aren't comfortable, say sorry when we don't mean it etc. All of those things teach us not to trust ourselves and our instincts. 

When you think about it, that's really unhealthy. We instinctively know what's right and wrong for us and yet we deny that knowledge and do what's right or what we've been taught we should do even if that isn't the right or healthy thing for us. 

Even silly things like answering the door or the phone when you don't want to. How many of you answer the phone or the door when you don't feel like it? 
I don't. Even if the person at the front door knows I'm home, if I don't want to see anyone I don't answer the door. Simple. Yet that's something we're made to feel guilty about. Why? Why should we feel guilty about doing what's right for us? 

I'm working on trusting my instincts more and doing what's right for me and my family. Years of conditioning to not trust myself makes it a challenge, but I'm getting there slowly. 

Do you trust your instincts?

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