There are times when I really struggle with Chai's anxiety. Really struggle.
I know it's not his fault and that he can't control it but there are times when it just gets too much.
Last week was one of those times. It took him two hours to go to sleep.
I tried, Tiger tried but he just wasn't going to sleep. He'd lay there quietly and the second we moved he'd be up.
Instead of having a few hours to ourselves with the kids in bed we had two hours of sitting in a dark room with Chai hoping that he'd fall asleep. I cannot express how fed up I am with having to cuddle him to sleep every night. He's six years old. I'm over it.
I was so annoyed after that night but it got worse. The whole time Tiger was home he'd only let me put him to sleep and he'd take ages to get to sleep.
When Tiger is home is the only time I get to have a break and a little time to myself, but that didn't happen this swing thanks to Chai's anxiety.
We're seeing a psych so I'm hoping that will help a bit because I don't know how much longer I can cope. Actually that's not true, I will cope for as long as I have to, but I am so over it I'm starting to think I need to see a psych myself to help me cope with having to cope with Chai.
Anxiety is awful. Having to be patient and kind when I'm sick of his anxiety carry on is tough, really tough.
His first psych visit was yesterday. She mentioned that he has signs of ADHD and that there is medication which can help. I refuse to medicate him so that he can conform to an unrealistic schooling system. I'd rather home school until he's old enough to be able to deal with school. For the time being we're going to continue as is and see how the next few visits go.
I mentioned previously that last weekend we had Chai's birthday party. What an experience.
The preparation was exhausting, made more so by me having to do it all myself. I spent two days cooking and preparing everything.
The day of the party Chai woke up and told me we'd have to cancel the party because his stomach felt sick. Turns out he didn't want people singing happy birthday to him.
He didn't want a candle either so after me going to all the effort to make him a special cake he barely even looked at it. Oh well.
It also revealed a few things. A few people who I thought were good friends didn't bother to rsvp or show up. Nice to know where I stand with them.
Out of the thirty kids invited only 18 rsvp'd. How rude. I later found out that some people who didn't rsvp had been planning to come. How does that work? Do people expect you to cater for them even if you don't know if they'll be there? The whole world of birthday parties is very strange to me.
It also showed me which people are there for us. We have a lovely group of friends who I can rely on to be there. Most of them where there, the few who couldn't be let me know.
All said, it was a good day and Chai had a great time which is all that matters.