I know you've missed my wee and poo stories, so just to keep you all happy, this week has been all about wee and poo. Crap. FFS.
Chai no longer exists, I live with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle now. FFS/Not FFS.
Donatello/Michelangelo/Leonardo/Raphael wears his ninja suit every. Washing it causes all sorts of problems. FFS.
When the ninja suit is in the wash Chai checks the washing machine every few minutes and occasionally throws something in there. FFS.
Yoghurt added to the spin cycle was a particular fun one. FFS.
When the suit is finally washed Chai wants to put it on straight away and has a huge tantrum when he can't. FFS.
Sunday he fell asleep in the car and woke up in a pool of wee, so the ninja suit had to go in the wash. FFS.
I'm sure he asked me at least 50 times if it had finished washing and then another 50 times if it was dry. FFS.
I cleaned the wee off the car seat and the the next day he got poo all over the seat. FFS.
Poor Chai had a touch of gastro on Monday and Tuesday. FFS.
He had the runs and a sore belly. FFS.
And was constantly crapping himself. FFS.
He went through five sets of undies and shorts on Monday and four sets on Tuesday. FFS.
Try as I might I could not convince him to wear a nappy or pull ups, so I just had to keep on changing him. FFS.
He's now developed the Man Flu attitude to illness so just wanted to lay on the couch with me cuddling him all day. Normally I'd be more than happy to lay on the couch and cuddle all day but it's not possible with Eljay to look after as well. FFS.
Every time I had to get off the couch to eat, look after Eljay, go to the toilet etc, Chai cried. FFS.
He'd continue crying until I returned to the couch. FFS.
Naturally he was back to normal by the time Tiger got home. FFS.
Over the last month Eljay has decided the cure to all that ails him is a breastfeed. FFS.
He wants to feed at least five times a day and several times at night. FFS.
If he gets upset, angry, hurt etc, he wants to feed. If he's tired he wants to feed.If it's night time and he's awake he wants to feed. If the dog looks at him the wrong way, he wants to feed. FFS.
I'm pretty sure he'll still be breastfeeding when he's 21. FFS.
Chai weaned himself at 17 months, so I'm not sure what I'll do about Eljay. I don't want to wean him but at the same time I'm getting sick of him hanging off my boob all day and night. FFS.
He's a determined little poppet. He calls feeding BRRRRR and when he wants a feed he'll say BRRRRR, climb onto my lap, point at my boob then lie down so he's all ready. If I don't feed him he sticks his hand down my top and tries to get my boob out. FFS.
That concludes my weekly whinge. Now it's your turn to tell me something.