Wednesday, 2 October 2013

How I sorted myself out

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while and a few of you said you were interested, so here it is. This is the story of how I sorted my shit out. 

Like most people, by the time I got to my 20's I had some baggage. I had an okay childhood with a few difficult events in it. I was sexually abused by my cousin when I was nine and I had a rather emotionally dysfunctional family. Overall though, I was a fairly happy person. Life floated along nicely with no major problems, however every few years or so I'd have a meltdown where I'd get extremely emotional and upset for no particular reason. I'd go to counseling, sort myself out then think I'd dealt with things. A few years later it'd happen again. Sometimes it'd be triggered by an event (a relationship breakdown, issues at work etc) and sometimes it'd be triggered by nothing. 

I wanted to be a whole, healthy person so I spent time in counseling to deal with the sexual abuse and other issues. I thought I'd got that all sorted and yet the meltdowns kept on happening. 

In my early 30's I had a meltdown so went to see my naturopath. She told me that I could have 25 to 30 sessions with her or I could do this course. I had no idea what the course was, she just told me it was starting the next day and I agreed to attend.

I arrived there the next morning and saw a mixed bunch of people, all of them seemed pretty normal and friendly. Then the class started and I wondered what the hell I'd got myself into. They started the class by singing. WTF? I was thinking that I'd let myself in for six days of new age, mumbo jumbo crap, but I was already there so decided I'd see what happened and if I didn't like it I wouldn't come back for the second day. Surprisingly I couldn't sing without crying. Hmmm.

The rest of the day was interesting, we learned how to meditate which was very interesting if a little frustrating. The first meditation was talking about examining a flower and they spoke about examining all the different parts. I found it frustrating as they were talking about examining parts that I'd never heard of so I couldn't visualise it. I was wondering when we were going to get into the fixing ourselves up part.

The rest of the week continued in much the same manner. We started the day by singing and then spent the rest of the day learning meditations and talking about what had happened during the meditations (if we wanted to). There were all sorts of different meditations designed to teach us how to heal ourselves and heal others. We learned how to travel back into our past lives which was fascinating if a little unreal.

One of the really bizarre things we learned was distance healing. It's such a strange concept that still spins me out. We were all given sheets of paper with the outline of a body on it. We had to think of someone we thought needed healing (emotionally or physically) write down their first name, age, hair colour, eye colour and the areas that needed healing. We swapped our sheets, then sat down with a partner, went into a meditation and visualised the person on the sheet of paper held by our partner. Our partner would tell us the persons name and gender. The really bizarre part is that each time we did this we knew the persons hair colour, hair style, approximate age, eye colour and usually the areas that needed healing, all without being told. Strange. I have no explanation for that, it still freaks me out a little.

By the end of the week I was feeling like a different person. I actually enjoyed the singing and I now start my day by singing. Singing brings so much joy and pleasure, it's a beautiful way to start the day. I choose a positive, happy, uplifiting song (or three) and sing at the top of my lungs every morning. Chai thinks it's great fun too.

The course was emotionally exhausting, but in a good way. Some nights I'd get home at 6pm, go straight to bed and not wake up again until my alarm went off at 7am the next morning. When we finished the course I knew that my life had changed for the better. I spent the next two weeks processing everything that had happened. I walked around in a happy daze. I spent a lot of time sleeping and a lot of time just sitting quietly doing nothing. After two weeks I was back to normal.

It's been about nine years since I did the course and I haven't had a meltdown since. I don't meditate as regularly as I'd like to, however I know how to heal myself emotionally and when I have an issue that's exactly what I do. Courses like this aren't for everyone but if it's something you are interested give it a go. Frankly I didn't think a course like that would do me any good and if I'd known what I was signing up for I wouldn't have gone, but I am so, so glad that I did, because it literally changed my life.


  1. That's a very interesting experience. I'm so glad it has helped you and made you happier. It's not easy to share your experiences, past and present, both traumatic and happy ones. Thank you for that. I'll surely draw some inspiration from all this x

    1. Thanks Su. I've decided it's time to start talking about more personal things on here xx

  2. I love your beautiful, honest posts. Thanks so much for sharing. Takes so much courage and all to share freely like that xx Love and hugs

  3. I am so sorry you had to lose your innocence this way. Meditation is such a great tool and good for you not letting your past define you today. xx

    1. Thanks Raylene. I truly believe that my past has made me who I am today, so whilst there have been unpleasant parts, I wouldn't be who I am today if things had happened differently xx


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