Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Protective Mummy?

As I'm adjusting to life with my baby, I'm finding it rather difficult to deal with the demands of my relatives. Specifically my mum and Hubby's mum. I know that they both want to be involved and they are delighted that they have another grand child (for my mum) and their first grand child (for Hubby's mum), but really, there are times I wish they would back off and leave me alone. 

Thankfully with my mum I can tell her to back off and Hubby is great at telling his mum to back off. I couldn't cope if Hubby didn't put his mum in her place. It all started when I first got pregnant. They both wanted to be involved with everything and were really pushy about it. We had to make our boundaries very clear to them.

Towards the end of my pregnancy my mum was calling every day and if I didn't answer the phone she'd call Hubby. If he didn't answer she'd get my step dad to call and she'd keep on calling until one of us answered the phone. Because of this we had no choice but to tell our family that we were being induced. We'd wanted to keep it quiet and just tell them when the bub was here, however we knew that Mum would be calling constantly so we had to tell them.

Despite Mum having already been told that she wasn't going to be allowed in the delivery room, as soon as Hubby told her I was being induced she said that she'd come up. He told her not to and that we'd call her when we had news. Being the clever man he is, Hubby then called my brother and asked him to call Mum to make sure she didn't ignore our wishes and come up anyhow. Luckily he did, because she had been planning on coming up. I would have been so angry if she did. Giving birth was difficult enough without having to deal with unwelcome guests showing up at the labour ward. 

When both of the mothers visited us in hospital they had a discussion in front of me about how disappointed they both were that they couldn't be in the room with us when I had the bub. Seriously!?

Their expectations really amaze me. Mum in law recently asked me if my mum has taken the baby for a walk yet. I looked at her like she'd grown two heads. Why on earth would my mum be taking my two week old baby for a walk? My response was somewhere along the lines of "no, why would she" and then she launched into a long story about how she'd like to take the baby for a walk and that she takes her niece's three children for a walk all the time. It's worth nothing that her niece's children are all over 3 years old. I told her that he is my baby and no-one is going to be talking him for a walk.

Hubby says that I'm like a protective lioness. But really, who would reasonably expect me to let my 2 week old baby out of my sight? And if I was going to, would I really let someone take him out walking in 33 degree heat? 

8 comments :

  1. You poor thing! Unfortunately families can be sooo pushy. You are doing the best for your baby and thats what matter. Keep being strong and voicing your opinion. I am really protective of my kids. I didn't leave the house with either of them for four months! I know, but they are so tiny and I didn't want to risk ruining their sleeping time, feeding etc..... I limited visits till after three months (except for parents and siblings) but even with them I told them they could visit once a fortnight. Its all too much, I loved spending time with my babies ( well they still are!) and didn't need any pressure from others. Good luck with it all!

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  2. Stay strong and hold your ground! Don't let your family push you around and tell you what to do with you baby - it's your baby, you brought it to this world... :) There will be plenty of time for grandmothers to play with him.

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  3. What you wrote is exactly why I'm incredibly apprehensive of having children. My mother-in-law's been pushing me to have a baby, but I know it's going to be so difficult when I do get pregnant, and then when the baby is born, I don't know if I would be able to take it. It's exactly what you talked about. Wanting absurd things for the baby, wanting to butt in. I can tell my mum to back off, but I really don't want to blow my top at my MIL (which I'm sure I will). How do I tell her to piss off? Sigh.

    Stay strong, and good luck! I'm rooting for you :)

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  4. All I can say is welcome to motherhood. Everyone sticks their beak in.

    Stand your ground and do what you think is right, and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

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  5. Unfortunately, having a baby can become so stressful when parents/in laws are a bit too excited and over protective.
    I actually didn't tell my mother I was in labour - just rang her an hour after the birth and said 'Oh I had the baby!'. She was upset, but I explained that I knew she would be at the hospital the moment she knew I was there and that me and Mister just wanted to welcome our baby together and spend some quiet time before bombarded with family members.
    I went home six hours after the birth and put in place a strict 'no visitors' rule for 24 hours.
    It sounds horrible and mean but clear bounderies is important.
    Anyway, I don't think you're overprotective at all! At nearly two, I still don't like leaving Pacman and rarely do - I miss him too much when I'm away from him!

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  6. Great post, it's so true when you become pregnant/a mother everyone is watching you/has an opinion. It kind of makes me glad that neither my mum or MIL are very hands on LOL.

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  7. Bloody hell, as if you don't have enough to deal with! I think you've been very restrained! Good on you for standing your ground - it's your baby and you know what's right for him :)

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  8. Tell them to back off at least the first six months or until you ask for help! I had the opposite problem, I had twin boys 10 years ago and my parents live a long way from us. One day when the twins were a few months old my mother in law came over to watch them since I really needed some sleep and my husband was working. I had just fallen asleep when she barged into the bedroom and told me that I had to change a diaper. Why was she there at all???

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